Monk Fruit

Through a bit of serendipity, my class schedule for ACU has provided three wonderful opportunities for me in the next calendar year. First, I don’t have to take a class in January. Having a break…any break…is going to be amazing, especially with Connor to take up my attention and time. Secondly, the class I am taking in the spring is going to be in Minnesota over Spring Break, which I’ll discuss more later. Third, pandemic-willing, next summer I finally get to meet my Aussie friends in person! Can’t wait to show them all the wonders of Abilene. Both of them.

As for Minnesota…it’ll be 4.5 days at an abbey in Collegeville, MN. That’s right, I get to hang out in a monastery and see what Benedictine life looks like up close and personal. I’m pumped about this for a few reasons, including the fact it’ll be cold. I like cold. I like snow. I prefer Spring Breaking where the temps go down, not at the beach. Perhaps I’m broken. I’m also excited because let’s be honest: anyone who knows me at all knows I’m not a monk. This is going to stretch me, grow me, and probably stress me out, but all in really good ways. I haven’t been this excited about a class in possibly forever…maybe European History in high school, but that ended badly.

So if I ramble on here about the Benedictine Rule or my affinity for frigid temps and that’s not your jam, apologies in advance. It’s going to be awesome.

Social Meteors

A few years ago, at a little thing called SoulLink, I listened to an avid Miami Dolphins fan say the phrase “social meteors” over and over and over again. And now, in my brain, I can’t say “social media” anymore. I say social meteors…in my head, out loud, sometimes even while writing. I like this, because it reminds me of great times with good friends at SoulLink, and also because social media really is a meteor that’s going to take us out like a bunch of dinosaurs.

I just clicked on a trending topic on Twitter and was faced with 35 (at least, I stopped scrolling because man this is dumb) clips of the same video, with people on one side of the political spectrum saying, “man, look at how X owned Y here!” and the other side saying, “man, look how Y owned X here!” IT’S THE SAME CLIP. BOTH OF THESE THINGS CANNOT BE TRUE.

So…we hear what we want to hear. We see what we want to see. And eventually, we’re getting stuck in a looped echo chamber of doom (trademark, Internal Ignition) while the world ruins itself. Yes–this is posted on Twitter. I don’t care if anyone reads it (even if I appreciate very much those of you that do and hold me accountable for doing so) and if there was a better way to do this, trust me: I’d do it.

Watch out for the social meteors in your life. The thing we’ve got as an advantage over the dinosaurs (besides, you know, thumbs) is that we can turn these stupid things off. I encourage you all to do so from time to time. Take a break. Reset your mindset. And man…don’t click on the trending topics on Twitter. That’s how the dinosaurs died.

Relieving the Pressure

It’s a relative certainty in life that things will go sideways at some point. I do think there are people where sideways is the default position, and that’s got to be rough. For most of us, however, things go along more or less as planned and then all of sudden it’s chaos. In the midst of those chaotic moments, having a way to relieve the pressure and take a breather is vital. That’s partly why this blog exists: I’m actually sitting here working on a paper for class, and felt like I needed to write something else before I lost my mind.

This release valve can take many forms, depending on the situation. For example, with us renovating our new house, we’ve had some pretty rough experiences with service providers. Our poor plumbers are such a mess that whenever we get done with them Abby has contemplated sitting down with a manager or owner to try to explain exactly how bad they’ve been at everything. Inspectors, workers, deliveries…seemingly none of it has gone right. So today, when we had some new furniture delivered to the house, I went in expecting the worst. To my shock and delight, it was probably one of the best service experiences I’ve ever had: communication was excellent, the workers were efficient, kind, and went above and beyond, and the whole thing took less than 30 minutes. It’s kind of amazing how a string of bad experiences can be diluted with one good one…I feel less stressed about the house because two nice people showed up with a sofa.

In last night’s Logos Prep football game, our opponents had an issue with the quarterback/center exchange. A lot. The poor quarterback spent probably every other play scrambling, trying to pick up a loose ball, or running for his life. However, on one play, everything lined up perfectly. The snap went a good five yards over his head, and he turned around to chase it down. In hot pursuit came three or four of our defenders. The ball kicked up into the quarterback’s hands just in time for him to turn around and chunk it at his running back, who was also trying to corral the loose ball. Basically, it turned into an improvised screen pass, where all of sudden five of their players were staring down two of our defenders. They got a massive gain off the play and seemed to be in business…at least until another failed snap ended up in our hands instead. But for one beautiful moment, the chaos went their way and they found a crack of daylight.

I think we need those moments, and more than that, we need to be mindful of those moments when they happen. I can’t imagine the quarterback saw that dumpster fire of a play as a good thing as it was happening, and no coach is going to claim to have drawn that up in the playbook. But it helped…it gave them some forward (not sideways) momentum, and something to cheer about.

I hope we all get some things to cheer about this week. And I hope we can be aware of them and enjoy them as they happen. Peace to you all.

Celebrate

Today started out so well: the return of CR7 to the starting lineup at Old Trafford, complete with two goals and a pretty comprehensive victory. It then deteriorated into whatever the heck that thing was in Fayetteville. But, on the slope from sports-euphoria into “oh yeah, I root for Texas,” an interesting thing happened.

A person I follow on Twitter made the statement that Arkansas fans hate Texas more than they like Arkansas. That’s such a strange concept for me. My dad asked me yesterday what I thought would happen in the Texas game, and I told him I wasn’t sure because I couldn’t name a single player on the Arkansas team (still can’t…didn’t watch the game), I don’t know how they did last year (still don’t), and I have no idea who their coach is. Is it Jimmy Johnson? Clint Stoerner? Darren McFadden? I know nothing about the Arkansas team because I’m a Texas fan, but not to the point of researching opponents or making Game Day a “thing.”

(This is actually one of the reasons the March Madness game between ACU and UT wasn’t a problem for me. I like both teams. I want them both to succeed. So one way or the other, I’m getting a “win” out of the process without feeling like I need to hate the opponent.)

I don’t say this to shame or adopt a “holier-than-thou” attitude. I’ve been there: Michael Crabtree still makes me want to punch things. And there are definitely teams and players from more darker days of fandom that I will always dislike: Philly, the Lakers, the Red Wings, David Freese. And I’ll be honest: A&M losing to Colorado would have made today better. I don’t like A&M. But I’m not sure I can name more than three players on the Aggie team, and one of them I can’t spell (the tight end…Windersomethingorother). I just don’t invest in the other teams anymore…it’s not healthy for me.

But investing in the teams I like…now that’s got some benefits. Which brings me back to the Manchester United match from this morning. Cristiano stole the show, as he should. The roar as he took the pitch for warmups was goosebump-inducing, and I can’t imagine how psychotic the stands were when he slotted home that rebound, or even more when he retook the lead on that amazing feed from Luke Shaw. I’ll bet it was electric.

Side note: I asked our athletic director which he would choose to attend: first match at Old Trafford where Ronaldo scores, the Cowboys game where Jimmy finally gets into the Ring of Honor, or the first Texas/A&M game at Kyle Field in the SEC. He picked Kyle Field (which I think is correct) but those are three huge moments, as today’s show proved.

All that being said…the best goal for me today wasn’t either of Ronaldo’s strikes, or Fernandes’ sublime shot into the corner. No, it was Jesse Lingard’s capper. Because when you invest in a team, you learn things like the fact Jesse was not in a good place mentally the last couple of years. I don’t know if Jose Mourinho broke him (possible) or the pressure got to him or what, but he was a shell of himself. He was essentially banished from the first team, then loaned to West Ham to try to see if a change of scenery would help him. And sure enough…it did! He crushed it for the Hammers, and was recalled back to Old Trafford to provide depth. So when he subbed on and promptly opened his account for this season, watching his teammates celebrate with him and the look of joy and relief on his face…it was priceless.

On Twitter I said the first three were goals to cheer for, but that was a moment to celebrate. The man, the journey, the skill, and the goal itself…Jesse garnered some applause from me in my living room all the way in Houston. I like celebrating and cheering for things, instead of rooting against them. (Disclaimer: I am an extremely negative fan. I assume the worst thing will happen to all of my teams at all times. But it’s still my team and not others.)

I hope I can find more moments in my life to celebrate. I hope I can take this mindset and apply it to all facets of my life. The CR7’s in life get all the publicity, but I want more Lingard stories…and I want others to see that in me, as well. I’ve had a bunch of people reach out to me since my last post, telling me about their stories and providing support. It means a lot to know I’m not doing this alone and that my failures and mistakes aren’t unique. If hitting a goal or having a small victory can help someone else, well…after watching JL dance with Pogba after his goal today, I kind of know how that feels. It’s worth celebrating.

Riverdance

Lazy rivers have always been one of my favorite things. At the Yacht and Beach Club in Walt Disney World, they created a kind of whirlpool effect in a portion of their pool that uses the same lazy river concept, and I’d spend (what felt like) hours just going around in circles whenever we’d vacation there. There’s an actual lazy river in a different section of the pool, and that was a fun second option when the whirlpool got too crowded and curling up into a ball like a pinecone getting shunted down a mountain stream turned into “overgrown man-child turns body into projectile and bowls over small children.” That, sadly, happened more than once.

ACU’s new (to me at least) exercise center, affectionately referred to as The Bank, has a lazy river feature in it. This summer, when taking classes in Abilene, Abby and the kids came up for a weekend and we got to enjoy the new facilities. Watching the kids do exactly what I used to do when met with a current of water was a pretty surreal and satisfying moment. I guess there’s just something peaceful about letting the water carry you along.

I write this because I just had a strange epiphany: if you were to take that sensation and then remove the peaceful or pleasurable feelings from it, that’s what my version of depression feels like.

It’s important for me to say this again: I have not been officially diagnosed with depression. I’m pretty sure that’s what it is, and I know there are times of varying length where I feel like garbage, but if you or someone you know has clinically diagnosed depression and thinks I’m full of crap, they’re probably right. I don’t say this to diminish that or them at all…it’s just my attempt to put thoughts into words so I can try to process things better. If I’ve offended, please accept my sincerest apologies.

At this very moment, I feel like my life is a lazy river and I’m stuck. Things are happening to me, but I’m not an active participant. I had the honor of helping with Grandparents Day at school, and it was like I was a spectator watching myself go through the motions. Very, very important life events are coming up more quickly than I’m comfortable with (moments in calendar may be closer than they appear). I’ve got my kids’ birthdays and Connor’s due date and hopefully moving into a new house and nothing is eliciting a response in my heart at all. It’s like my problem at Disney World: I feel like the current is just bashing me into things and people and I can’t do anything about it. There’s no control. When I get the faint brain twitch that says “Swim you idiot,” it gets suppressed by the realization I’m not winning the fight against the current, so why try? And the inevitability of it all isn’t, in and of itself, a bad thing; for example, I know I’ve got school deadlines approaching and I’ll get the work done, because I always do. I just don’t have the energy to do it right now.

So yeah…I’m stuck. I don’t think I’m in a very good place right now, and everything feels kind of “blah.” I’ve got the weekend, and then therapy and spiritual direction and a massage coming up next week, so those should all help things a bit. It’ll get better.

Alter the Ending

Bonus points for identifying the band referenced in the title.

It’s not a secret that the most recent episode of Ted Lasso has gotten my dander up. I’ve explained why seemingly ad nauseam, but let’s just say it involves some character and tonal shifts from last season. I use Theodore and his compatriots to help end the week on a high note, and this season has left me with a sour note more often than I’d like. I put it this way: in college, my friends and I went to see the original Borat. That movie did exactly what it set out to do, and did it well. I also felt awful afterwards, as did many of us. Sitting in a Whataburger in Abilene after the movie, we did the only logical thing: we went and saw another movie afterwards to wash the feeling away. That movie was The Prestige. Needless to say, the night ended better than it began.

I don’t want to have to watch something else after I watch Ted Lasso. It’s supposed to be my Prestige, the thing I use to cleanse everything else out of my mind. So with this most recent episode, the one where the last 1:30 or so is frustratingly awful, I tried something different during a rewatch last night: I turned the stupid thing off before we got to the written ending. And you know what? It was, for my purposes, a better episode. All the storylines wrapped up, there was resolution but still the possibility of future tension/conflict, it had a feel-good note to it…it was Season 1-esque. I’m a fan.

The problem is, that’s not really how the world works, is it? We’d all like to be able to choose our endings, or when the story should stop. Maybe you don’t want Matthew to get in the car in Downton Abbey. Perhaps LOTR had one (or two or three or four…) too many endings for you. Maybe it’s something in your real life…a night that started with promise and then ended in flames. A conversation that took a weird turn. Or, maybe something heavier, more serious, and more scarring.

The thing with AFC Richmond’s tale is that I’m not writing it. I don’t know the narrative arc, I don’t know where they’re going, and I don’t know how they want it to end. But I do know this: they’ve delivered the goods, time and time again. So I find myself in a bit of a pickle, because I trust them to pull this off, even when I don’t like it at the moment.

In our lives, the same things happen…I trust God. He’s delivered the goods, time and time again. He knows where I’m going, knows my story start to finish. But there are so many times I think “Man…I would have done that differently. Couldn’t this story have ended 5 minutes ago?” Because here’s the problem with how I’ve edited “Headspace,” episode 7 of Ted Lasso: without the last minute and thirty seconds, the next episode isn’t going to make sense at all.

Our present and our future is told through the lens of the past. My successes, failures, ups, downs, good days, bad days…they all dictate where I am now. If I’d edited out the part where I didn’t get into medical school and broke down crying on the side of Mt. Arkansas, then my current position as a high school principal really doesn’t make sense. If I erase romantic failures and break ups, then how did I end up the luckiest dude in the world with my amazing wife and kids? If I decide to skip the basketball game where I fell and almost shattered my wrist, or the game where I got mad and broke my hand, or the game where I stupidly messed up my rotator cuff, then I’m going to have some really big questions about why my arm hurts so badly

So I’ll watch episode 8. And I’m sure I’ll be floored by how they’ve chosen to resolve the issue at hand, in a way that I never considered. God does that all the time in my life…you’d think I’d extend some grace to Ted Lasso as well, and stop altering the ending they have in mind.

Conundrum

There’s an odd misconception that being a Christian means you can’t have opinions on things, for fear of sowing discontent or arguing or being wrong or something. I will admit…I don’t know how people read the Bible and think, “Don’t have opinions. Don’t argue. Don’t stand up for what you believe.” Unfortunately, this mindset has created a kind of strange, murky environment where Christians are to be for social justice and loving our neighbors, but looked down on for speaking up about it.

That, however, is not the titular conundrum. I think we’re getting better at this: voice our opinions, standing up for what we think is right, being active in our faith (what James, I think, would call faith with works). No, the weird Christian conundrum we face is this: we really, really need the other side to be right. Here’s an example to try to explain my seemingly insane claim:

Let’s say that I believe in the COVID vaccine. I think everyone should take it, it should be free, etc. As a believer in and follower of Christ, I’m also compelled by my love of others to pray for those that don’t take the vaccine…that they would be safe, healthy, and okay. Basically, that those who do the exact opposite of what I think is right would be just as okay as those that do what I believe is correct.

There are days where this is hard. I, *spoiler alert*, am a very opinionated person and I believe what I believe for a reason. I believe in my intelligence and my ability to make the right call. But if someone disagrees with me, I have to hope it’ll be okay. If you believe differently than I do about the vaccine, voting rights, heck…where to go for dinner, I really need to believe your option is also viable. Because I cannot hope in the worst for people. There is no Christian schadenfreude. We’re called to love ALL neighbors, not just those that have the proper voting or shot record.

I hope, church, that we figure this conundrum out. We’re really bad at it right now. And if you disagree with this assessment, well…I hope you’re right.

Walkthroughs

Accountability is one of those words that takes on a different meaning in a church context. It’s not as specialized as something like tithing or stewardship, but if I say I need to hold a student accountable for a disciplinary event, a certain set of images or feelings is created. If I say, in church, “Hey, let’s hold each other accountable,” then a completely different set of images or feelings is created…and I’m not sure which set is worse.

The idea of scheduling a time to be vulnerable and honest with another person is kind of scary, and honestly antithetical to the whole point. It’s as if we’re saying, “I don’t have to be open or honest 98% of the time, but then I’ll make up for it during this time of unofficial confessional with my friend, who also isn’t equipped to handle the level of crazy I’m going to unload on him/her.” Doesn’t that sound…off?

It’s one reason I’m thankful for our evaluation system at LP. We have a multi-level evaluation system that includes regular communication and check-ins, formal evals from a department head, but the kicker is that we use random walkthroughs from the principals to bind everything together. At any point in the semester, I can (and will) pop into classrooms for 15 minute intervals just to see how things are going. Unscheduled, no warning…hopefully just a view of what’s going on, where there hasn’t been time to shine it all up.

I wish I had something like that in my life. When I talk to my spiritual director, my therapist, or even when I write these things, there’s some time and effort that goes into filtering what is being shared or what is being said. But to have someone that just randomly showed up and said, “Let me see your life!” would be equal parts terrifying and so, so helpful.

Theoretically, that’s one of the roles the Spirit plays. As our Counselor, it’s the warning signal blaring in the background, the plumb line helping to mark our decisions against the will of God. I just think we ignore that voice/presence/feeling, like locking the door on me if I tried to go into a teacher’s classroom.

I listened to the Spirit this week and last when it prompted me to do something a little weird and lot random, and I’m so glad I did. Got the chance to reconnected with a friend from high school, something I don’t do very often. But more than that, I got to marvel at how listening to that prompting in the back of my mind pays off…I should let the Spirit do a walkthrough in my life more often.

Cristiano

It’s been pretty entertaining watching everyone completely geek out over Ronaldo coming home to the red side of Manchester. I was having a bout of nausea imagining him wearing that hideous shade of blue from city, but when everything took a 180 and he came back to train at Carrington, I have to admit I felt a bit of sports euphoria. Given most of the teams I follow, that’s a rare and fleeting feeling.

While doom-scrolling through Twitter yesterday, I caught a clip from (I think) Gary Neville (I say I think because I can’t find it again and my memory is more a sieve than a steel trap these days) talking about how Sir Alex Ferguson, the venerable Hair Dryer of Old Trafford, was one of the first people to really believe in CR7. There’s always been a special relationship between those two–I also saw a video of Sir Alex waiting to hug Cristiano after Portugal won the Euros, and Ronaldo’s entire demeanor changed when he saw his old manager and friend.

When you look at the career of one of the greatest players ever, professionally and internationally, it’s a little weird to connect the dots from a Portuguese physical marvel to a Scottish dude whom you might mistake for an accountant. But…that’s the way belief in someone works. That’s the way discipleship works. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say CR7 isn’t CR7 without an early-career trip to Manchester. Madrid, Lisbon, and Turin may have cemented the legend, but it was born on the pitch at Old Trafford under the watchful eye of the greatest manager in modern football history.*

When we believe in each other, when we support each other, when we (to quote Roy Kent) “look them in the eye and encourage them to be better than they ever thought they could be,” we play a part in creating something new and wonderful in the lives of those we disciple/coach. I hope we never lose sight of that no matter where we are. I also hope we never forget those that have helped us to get to where we are…it’s just as important to be discipled as it is to disciple others.

Ronaldo now has that chance. He’s back “home,” surrounded by players who look up to him. Maybe he gives them the hair dryer, maybe he’s a calm presence, but he will definitely have an impact. I hope, as a fan and as a teacher, that he does well with it.

*You can argue this point, but I don’t care to listen. Fergie is the GOAT.

Crossover

A dude on Twitter made a thread where he cast Ted Lasso characters into Lord of the Rings. He did it (mostly) badly. I’m fixing it.

Ted Lasso: Frodo Baggins. This is a gimme, even if his sunny demeanor might lend itself more readily to Samwise’s indomitable spirit. He’s the main character, and ultimately the burden is his to bear.

Coach Beard: Samwise Gamgee. Frodo’s trusty friend, following him into insanity and back, always there to lend a hand, wisdom, or some muscle. And in Beard’s case, by muscle I mean a shrill yell or strange piece of information.

Dr. Sharon Fieldstone: Gandalf the Grey. This one took me a while…longer than I’m happy to admit. But as the resident voice of wisdom and guidance, showing up when characters need them, it’s pretty obvious now. I originally had Roy Kent as Gandalf (because he’s old!) but Dr. Sharon is too perfect to mess up for a cheap joke.

Rebecca Welton: Bilbo Baggins. Her selfishness set this whole thing in motion, she is by all accounts a good person corrupted by power and her own inner desires, and her friends show up in odd places to further the plot.

Leslie Higgins and Nate Shelley: Merry and Pippin. I don’t care which is which. They’re the Diamond Dogs, they’re obviously hobbits with Ted/Frodo and Beard/Sam. The original thread implied Nate is Gollum, and while that does seem to be where the writers are taking his character (what is up with Nate this season?!), obviously…

Rupert Mannion: Gollum. AFC Richmond is his precious. I’m actually mad at the original poster for missing this that badly.

Isaac McAdoo: Ent. He’s big, he’s strong, and he’s very…very…slow. Also, throwing TVs is the Ted Lasso equivalent to the scene in LOTR where they destroy Isengard, which I originally spelled “Isengaard” because of too much Norse mythology on the brain.

Dani Rojas: Legolas. The hair, the skill, it rhymes.

Colin Hughes: Gimli. There’s something a little off about Colin, and he seems to hold on to grudges/have issues with his size. The original thread has Isaac as Gimli, and I get that. If he wasn’t so obviously an Ent, he would be the choice here. However, the writers have determined Colin is a main part of the team, and since all other members of the Fellowship are accounted for, here we are.

Jamie Tartt: Faramir. Vain, trying to honor family, makes some bad decisions but ultimately comes around to the side of good? Yeah, Jamie is Faramir.

Keeley Jones: Galadriel. This is purely a vanity selection, because all the dignity of Cate Blanchett is just *poof* gone.

Roy Kent: Elrond. Grumpy, set in his ways, old (took the cheap joke anyways, suckers), his relationship with a younger, female family member is integral to the plot…meet your Lord of Rivendell…A title which Roy Kent would absolutely hate, and that pleases me.

Earl the Greyhound: Boromir. Because, you know, he dies.

Sassy Smurf: Eowyn. Definitely doesn’t need a man, but certainly isn’t opposed to them, either.

Bumbercatch: Eomer. The leader of the Rohan calvary, he’s just kind of there to facilitate other things happening. Important, I know his name, but…meh?

Manchester City: Sauron. They’re both evil and bent on world domination.

Manchester United AFC Richmond: Gondor. Forgot what I was doing there for a moment. Win the day lads.