Day 806–Confession

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

I haven’t blogged in over a month.  That’s totally on me.  I could list excuses, like I hate blogging after soccer matches because I’m so worked up from coaching, or that my grandmother passed away and I was in Abilene for a funeral, or even that we went on a ski trip to Salida and I was internet-less for over a week.  All of these things would be true, and legitimate excuses.

But the real reason is that I’ve slacked off, I’ve regained a lot of weight, and honestly I just didn’t care.  I didn’t care about the blog, I didn’t care about the weight, I didn’t really care about any of it.  When I started this thing, it was fun.  It was cool to see the numbers drop, it was a challenge to find new exercises and stay motivated, and it was a blast to make healthy food for our meals.

I LOVE food.  Not in a “everyone likes to eat, I just like to eat more!” type of way, but I’m passionate about food.  I want a house so I can plant a garden.  I get issues of Bon Appetit and get so worked up over the recipes and ideas that it takes me a week and a half to read each magazine because I have to put it down and walk away to let my brain rest.  Since we’ve last spoken I got paid to make a cake. I GOT PAID TO DO WHAT I LOVE. Isn’t that everyone’s dream? My problem is that my dream happens to interfere with my waistline.  I had to sample three or four cake recipes to find one that I liked.  I went through a few icings to find one that fit what I was trying to do.  Couple that along with regular life, everything else that was going on (and is going on) and I just didn’t have the time to cook healthy foods.  Andrew Knowlton, whom I would love to share a meal with, just wrote in BA about the disturbing culinary trend of fat overload.  If you’ve eaten at a fine dining establishment recently, you’re at least subconsciously aware of what he’s talking about: everything has bacon or pancetta or duck fat or bone marrow or cream or heaps of butter in it. As an INGREDIENT. Butter-poached beef with duck fat fries and a “salad” with lardons is a great tasting meal, but do you realize what you just ate?

I do…I cook junk like that all the time.  My “meat drawer” in my fridge right now has bacon, two kinds of sausage, and Spanish chorizo, and most of that I use as seasoning for other foods.  This is the proper way to use meats and fats–don’t get me wrong–but when I start making black eyed peas with bacon AND sausage AND chorizo, doesn’t the vegetable lose a little something?  Like nutrition?

Mr. Knowlton pointed out something that I believe I’ve struggling with for a while, even though I didn’t know it.  I actually had a whole package of bacon in my refrigerator that WENT BAD.  I didn’t even know bacon could expire!  Even more telling, I found myself daydreaming up a dish yesterday centered around a watermelon radish. I don’t think I’ve ever even purchased a radish of any sort (unless you want to count our daikon snafu in Colorado) in my life, and yet I was craving one.  That has to be a good sign, right?

My body knows what’s up; its tired of what I’ve done.  My mind is slowly joining the ranks.  This doesn’t mean I’ll be blogging regularly again–I truly hope I do, because it keeps me accountable, but no promises–but it means for at least the foreseeable future I’ll be thinking about what I put in my body.  I’m excited about it again, I’m challenged by it again…and that’s way more than half the battle.  I’ve got over 800 days that prove that truth.

Now I just need to find some watermelon radishes.

Have a good one.

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